The glorification of busy and the reality that we live in a society that places a high value on how much people get done in one day often means we are left feeling badly about ourselves when we take the time to slow down and care for ourselves. In my experience many people with eating disorders have a very hard time not getting sucked into this mentality and often attempt to do way too much everyday for fear of not doing “enough”. I talk a lot about the word “enough”, as I consistently hear this word come up when I am working with women and men with food and exercise issues. Certainly in my own experience with anorexia and exercise addiction this word spun around on repeat like a broken record. I never felt like I had done enough to sit down and relax. Relaxing was the enemy. Staying busy all the time was the only acceptable way of living when I was battling these issues. While I was in my disease taking a day off from working out was not allowed. Even working out for several hours often felt like it was far from enough. The word and emotionality wrapped up in the word enough could be a dissertation topic in the world of eating disorders.
Through treatment I learned the glorious news, that in fact, I am enough. I knew this at one point in my life but had lost sight of it in my disease. Add it to the list of things that an eating disorder can take away from you. I no longer felt worthy of taking up space unless I was constantly busying myself and trying to better the world while I myself faded into the abyss of my eating disorder. In treatment doing things like taking naps were hard for a while, but like so many things, the more that I practiced these things that I had lost sight of—the easier it became to return to myself. I was beginning to understand that resting, relaxing and taking time for myself are all sustainable practices and ones to be proud of. Fast forward to today, and I can now take naps, watch Netflix for hours, lay in bed-- and do these things without guilt. I never dreamed that I would be able to do these things when my anorexic brain was driving the bus. I never thought that I would be ok with any of these things. I never thought that I would see naps as anything other than laziness or weakness. The beautiful thing about our thoughts is that they can change over time with work and tenderness. What was once impossible to imagine, can one day be completely possible. Those first few guilt free naps were worth all of the work.
The next word that I want to touch on is just as toxic as the first. The word is should. How many times a day do you think to yourself, “I should do this, or I should do that?” Sometimes the should is a small should that does not negatively impact your health, and those are not the shoulds I am talking about. I am not talking about how you should buy a new light bulb for your lamp, or that you should dust your bookshelf. I am talking about the bigger shoulds-- particularly around food and exercise. The one that sounds like this, “I should go to the gym because I ate that pizza” or “I should eat salad even though I really want pizza” or “I want some doritos but I should eat celery instead” …you get the idea. These are the shoulds that I want you to challenge. In my recovery I can almost always identify that when I even have the slightest thought of “should”, I have to do the opposite. For me the should almost always represents old thinking that never served me in the first place. The should to me is a little bit like shame. If I am thinking that I “should” do something, I challenge that thought and then if any feelings or thoughts come up afterwards, I work through them. The great news here is---the more you fight the should, the easier it becomes to challenge. It is sort of like exposure therapy. Ask yourself if should is part of your everyday inner dialogue and if it is, ask yourself if it serving you or hurting you in the long run.
In closing, please hear my words. YOU are enough! You are so enough. You couldn’t be more enough—just by being authentically yourself. Lets de-glorify busy together. And, as my friends from Sex and The City say, “Stop shoulding on yourself.” There is a big bright world out there and on its worst day it is better without should and enough taking over.
Through treatment I learned the glorious news, that in fact, I am enough. I knew this at one point in my life but had lost sight of it in my disease. Add it to the list of things that an eating disorder can take away from you. I no longer felt worthy of taking up space unless I was constantly busying myself and trying to better the world while I myself faded into the abyss of my eating disorder. In treatment doing things like taking naps were hard for a while, but like so many things, the more that I practiced these things that I had lost sight of—the easier it became to return to myself. I was beginning to understand that resting, relaxing and taking time for myself are all sustainable practices and ones to be proud of. Fast forward to today, and I can now take naps, watch Netflix for hours, lay in bed-- and do these things without guilt. I never dreamed that I would be able to do these things when my anorexic brain was driving the bus. I never thought that I would be ok with any of these things. I never thought that I would see naps as anything other than laziness or weakness. The beautiful thing about our thoughts is that they can change over time with work and tenderness. What was once impossible to imagine, can one day be completely possible. Those first few guilt free naps were worth all of the work.
The next word that I want to touch on is just as toxic as the first. The word is should. How many times a day do you think to yourself, “I should do this, or I should do that?” Sometimes the should is a small should that does not negatively impact your health, and those are not the shoulds I am talking about. I am not talking about how you should buy a new light bulb for your lamp, or that you should dust your bookshelf. I am talking about the bigger shoulds-- particularly around food and exercise. The one that sounds like this, “I should go to the gym because I ate that pizza” or “I should eat salad even though I really want pizza” or “I want some doritos but I should eat celery instead” …you get the idea. These are the shoulds that I want you to challenge. In my recovery I can almost always identify that when I even have the slightest thought of “should”, I have to do the opposite. For me the should almost always represents old thinking that never served me in the first place. The should to me is a little bit like shame. If I am thinking that I “should” do something, I challenge that thought and then if any feelings or thoughts come up afterwards, I work through them. The great news here is---the more you fight the should, the easier it becomes to challenge. It is sort of like exposure therapy. Ask yourself if should is part of your everyday inner dialogue and if it is, ask yourself if it serving you or hurting you in the long run.
In closing, please hear my words. YOU are enough! You are so enough. You couldn’t be more enough—just by being authentically yourself. Lets de-glorify busy together. And, as my friends from Sex and The City say, “Stop shoulding on yourself.” There is a big bright world out there and on its worst day it is better without should and enough taking over.